Condo Hotel Center: Property Alert

November 22, 2006

A Thanksgiving Message

And a Couple of Laughs Too

Joel Greene here from Condo Hotel Center. As you know, I typically use this space to give a description of some terrific condo hotel property just come onto the market. But today, I don't have a new property for you.

It's just before Thanksgiving, and I want to use today's newsletter to accomplish two things: 1) thank some very important people, and 2) make you laugh as I look back on some of the more humorous moments at Condo Hotel Center. (Trust me, it's good stuff.)

First the Thank You's

I'll try to keep it brief so that this doesn't begin to sound like a boring Emmy Award speech.

First, thank you to you, our faithful subscribers who continue to read our Property Alerts and recommend them to friends. A year ago at this time, there were approximately 10,500 of you. Today, we are just shy of 24,000 subscribers!

Thank you to our loyal clients. You trusted our property recommendations and made us your #1 source for condo hotel information and purchases. You've referred us to friends, making our website traffic soar from 43,000 visitors per month at this time last year to well over 100,000 per month now!

Thank you Donald Trump. You were responsible for giving us lots of quality inventory to offer our clients this year in exciting locales like Panama, Fort Lauderdale, Waikiki, Baja and SoHo, with other great Trump offerings on the horizon. We've even built a whole website around your properties, www.WorldClassCondoHotels.com. That's how much we think of them!

As always, I am very grateful to the on-site property sales agents who have helped us take such good care of our customers. I especially want to thank those of you who fought for us to get special incentives for our buyers.

Thank you to the developers who've chosen to work with us and especially those who selected us as Preferred Brokers and showed our clients preferential treatment in assisting them to get the best units at the best prices.

Thank you to the many reporters who have consulted Condo Hotel Center in writing their stories. This year they included the Wall St. Journal, The New York Times, The New York Post, The Palm Beach Post, The Washington Post, and coming in about three weeks, a Forbes Magazine interview. We always appreciate the opportunity to add our two cents.

Thank you to our international partners who continually send us a stream of customers from overseas: Ann and John in the U.K.; Corey and Tinka in Germany; and our newest international partner, John Nadd, who is helping us extend our reach to condo hotel buyers in France, Luxembourg, Switzerland, Sweden and Belgium.

Thank you to our trusted vendors, especially AJT Design & Marketing of Orlando, who provide ongoing services to make our Condo Hotel Center website the powerhouse presentation it is today. AJT also recently designed our newest website promoting a major Bahamas development, www.CondoHotelsBahamas.com. Aden, James, and team, you are truly amazing!

A personal thank you from me to our in-house team of dedicated professionals. You're all terrific, and I am honored to work with you.

Finally, a quick thank you to my family. Jackie, you're a doll for putting up with my long hours and for being the calming force on my most stressful days. To my 8-year-old twins, Lindsay and Haley, know that you contribute in no small way to my stressful days, but I love every minute and wouldn't have it any other way.

As you can see, I and Condo Hotel Center have a lot to be grateful for. And now, since this is that once-a-year opportunity to use this Property Alert space to write about something other than a condo hotel, let's move on to the fun stuff.

Share a Laugh With Me

As an Internet business, we get literally hundreds of e-mail inquiries each month. Most are from buyers seeking assistance in finding a property and developers who want assistance in selling their condo hotel units.

However, we also get the occasional misdirected inquiry. And rather than just ignore these often strange requests, we delight in having a little fun with them.

Permit me to share some of the more colorful exchanges with you, although I'll tell you up front, that not all of our snappy responses were actually mailed. Some just made the rounds in-house. But I archived them anyway for just such an opportunity. Read on, have a good chuckle. After all, it's a holiday week.

* Inquiries From People Who Think We Book Hotel Rooms *

Inquiry: I am thinking of bringing my grandson down for a stay in late May. I also would like to know if you accept small pets. My poodle weighs five pounds and travels with me all over the world. Thank you for your personal attention.

Doris

CHC Reply: We do accept small pets, Doris, but not small kids. We suggest you leave the grandson behind, and there will be more room for you and your pet to spread out.

* * *

Inquiry: We are booked to stay on a three week vacation in your resort village and spa arriving June 16, 2006. I am slightly concerned after visiting your website and realizing that the hotel accommodation won't be completed until Feb 2007. I understandably do not wish to spend our entire holiday living on a building site.

Isabel

CHC Reply: Isabel, we understand your concerns, but wish to let you know that we are opening a barracks on the nearby KOA campgrounds to accommodate those people who have planned to stay with us prior to our hotel's delayed opening.

You'll enjoy our spacious twin cots, the pitter patter of rainfall on our aluminum roofs and joining fellow hotel guests around the campfire to roast marshmallows and drink hot chocolate.

Be sure to bring your Hawaiian garb so you'll fit in at our big Luau held every Saturday night. We know that this may not be the first-class accommodations you were expecting, but in appreciation of your understanding we will not charge for all the marshmallows that you and your family can eat.

* * *

Inquiry: I'd like to know how much you guys would charge for a stay at your place from May 27th till the May 30th? Two females with double beds in one room?

Makeda

CHC Reply: Makeda, thank you for the inquiry, but you've reached a realtor's website and not the hotel you were hoping to reach. Now my wife and I sleep in a king-size bed, but she is a tiny thing and doesn't take up much room. It's not the same as a two double beds, but I'm sure we can make it work. It'll be cozy. No charge, as we like having company.

* * *

Inquiry: I would like for someone to contact me related to holding the retreat for our Annual Alumni Association and Alumni Foundation. We move our meeting around regionally and would like to be in the Dallas area this summer. We were at the Hyatt Hill Country in San Antonio in 2005 and at the San Luis in Galveston last year. We take up around 50-55 room nights and spend $7,000-$10,000 in foods and services.

Jim

CHC Reply: Jim, thank you for your inquiry. As it turns out, Jonathan Davis, GM for the Hyatt Hill in San Antonio is an old war buddy of mine. I picked up the phone to say hello, prompted by your email, and told him that you wanted to spend time at our establishment. Turns out that he remembers you guys, "oh too well!!!"

I can't repeat some of the things Jon said to me, and with that metal plate in his head, I'm not sure how good his memory is, honestly.

He did say something about your group getting hammered on melonball shooters and Jaggermeister, parading naked in the lobby and around the pool area, and then singing your alma mater on the sidewalk while mooning the passing traffic.

He said that although he was tolerant of your behavior, he nearly threw you all out when he learned that you had snuck three female goats wearing trench coats and party hats into your rooms, (for what, I can only imagine), leaving numerous little pellets on the steps in the stairwell.

I'm sorry, but under the circumstances, I might suggest your party take its business down the road to the Holiday Inn. We don't care for your type.

* * *

Inquiry: Looking for a great deal on a room for one night, 2 adults and 2 kids. Do you have anything?

Mary

CHC Reply: Sorry, Mary, we only offer great deals to families of 14 or more. Do you have 10 friends that you can bring with you on vacation? They should technically be "family," but I won't say anything. ;-)

* * *

Inquiry: I am writing to kindly request you to reserve suits for me and my family as we wish to spend our vacation in the U.S. in January.

Andrew

Reply: Andrew, I'd like to assist you and I do work with the best tailors in town, but we are not mind readers. You will first need to provide measurements. Then we need to discuss your choice of materials, how you where your pants (left or right), and your price range. I do have a special right now on Botany 500 wool jackets and Chinese, all silk, ties.

We can design the suits ourselves, or you can just pick something right off the rack. And don't forget, at Condo Hotel Center, we provide free alterations for the lifetime of the garment.

* * *

Inquiry: Is it possible to reserve a double-bed room in your Chicago hotel?

CHC Reply: Anything is possible if you just close your eyes, click your ruby slippers together three times and wish it to be true. If you don't have ruby slippers, however, you'll need to contact the hotel directly. We are simply real estate brokers selling condo hotel units in this property, and we are not the people you need to speak to about your reservations.

Besides, why go to Chicago anyway? There's no place like home. There's no place like home.

* * *

Inquiry: Hi, I was wondering if these condoms in San Diego are for rent.

Pauline

CHC Reply: Pauline, once a condom is used, it is typically disposed of. I guess you could rent one, but personally, I wouldn't do it. That's just icky.

Hope I've helped. Have fun, but be safe.

* * *

* Inquiries from Job Hunters *

Inquiry: Hello, I wish to apply to Condo Hotel Center. I am looking for a position as a receptionist in the field.

Olivia

CHC Reply: Olivia, we are a real estate firm. All of our work is conducted in an office, not in the field. Too many mosquitoes and our ISP cables don't stretch that far. If only you were a roving reporter. Sometimes I like to have someone narrate what I'm doing when I rove. Sorry, but we do not have any field receptionist openings at this time.

* * *

Inquiry: I am an allopathic and homeopathic physician, who works primarily with Ayurveda, the science of life and longevity. I wonder if you have any openings. Following you will find my resume. I emphasize anti-aging treatments, which include four-hand massages and many other treatments.

Felipe

CHC Reply: Felipe, you've contacted the wrong people regarding your employment inquiry. You'll need to contact the hotel and spa directly. Tell me something, can just anyone do a four-hand massage, or is that a skill better left to conjoined twins to perform?

* * *

Inquiry: Hello, I am blindly contacting you to see if you may be hiring for a Membership Director's position in the Chicago Metropolitan area.

Jacqueline

CHC Reply: Jacqueline, we are only hiring sighted people at this time. I do appreciate your inquiry, and should a position that will accommodate your handicap become available, I will be in touch.

* * *

Inquiry: Hello!!! We are dancers Gregori and Vlad from Moldova. We have one question about work in your hotel...If you need dancer for show or animation for job? We hope and waiting with all respect your answer...Thanks!!!!

Gregori

CHC Reply: Gregori, what we need is a good ventriloquist act and someone who can dive from a two-story platform, head first, into a styrofoam cup full of water. We do not need dancers currently but will keep your names on file.

* * *

Inquiry: My name is DeeDee May and I am a sales consultant for Gulf States Beauty Supply. I want to introduce myself and my company, along with the products and services we can provide for your Salon and Spa.

DeeDee

CHC Reply: DeeDee, sorry, but we are real estate brokers, and I'm already beautiful!

* * *

* Inquiries That Offered to "Show Me the Money" *

Inquiry: Who may I contact in regards to a corporate charitable donation?

Delores

CHC Reply: Delores, I don't know that we are worthy, but I'm flattered. Please make checks out to Condo Hotel Center and send them to the address below.

We genuinely appreciate your support of our real estate brokerage company and we hope that we can count on you again in the years to follow.

God bless you.

* * *

Inquiry: Question, can you use proceeds from a rental home that we have? Value about $500,000.

Al

CHC Reply: Al, the answer is a definite YES, and a very sincere THANK YOU. We are about to install accordion shutters on our home, that's $8,000; new patio deck, another $1,600.

We've also got two vacations planned at a cost of about $5,000 and the Mrs. would love some "real" diamond earrings for her birthday in July. Before I give her the good news about your offer, can you tell me, more or less, how much the proceeds are that you will be sending? Every little bit helps. I really, truly appreciate the offer. Thank you.

* * *

* Inquiries That Were Just Plain Weird *

Inquiry: I recently stayed at the MGM Signature in Las Vegas. In the Junior Suite's bath, there was a full-length wall mirror. Can you tell me where you purchased this mirror, please? Thanks!

Donna

CHC Reply: Donna, congratulations. You have just taken the lead for the oddest question we've been asked all year from our real estate website. I'm afraid you'll need to contact the actual property to get the answer. Good luck.

Follow-up Inquiry: Ok, one more question. How do they replace these mirrors when broken? Thanks!

Donna

CHC Reply: OK Donna, now THIS is the oddest question that we've had all year. I guess the manager of the property has records of whom they purchased their goods from and who can repair them, but Donna, I just don't know. These must be some spectacular mirrors, huh?

* * *

Inquiry: Which architectural firm is handling the construction of this project? I'd like to learn more about the architect(s) who designed and specified the materials that will be used to build this magnificent megaplex. Thanks!

Tim
A Las Vegas regular & George Clooney fan

CHC Reply: Robert, (Bobby to his friends and Boo Boo to his kids when they were younger) is a 47-year-old former appraiser who just broke into architecture in the past few years.

He was born in McGregor, Iowa. His dad moved the family there from Minnesota after developing black lung problems from working in the mines for 15 years. He passed away last July at 70.

Bob went to the University of Miami, OH, graduating in five years, and then immediately married his freshman year girlfriend, a girl he had broken up with once before, after she slept with half of the cross country track team, claiming that "I loved their stamina."

Anyway, Bob and Darla, are together now for 14 years, and except for the six months that she was away in rehab for excessive glue and highlighter sniffing, they've been happy. Their three kids, Robert Jr. (Boobie), 17, the twins, Jessica and Jen, 14, are each attending Silver Star Elementary.

"Boobie" wants to be an architect like his Dad because, "I like building things and then blowing them up." Fortunately, he has been treated for his pyro tendencies, and the family no longer fears leaving him home alone like they did that one night back in 1999, when he almost set the house ablaze with a magnifying glass and his mother's hairspray and feminine hygiene products.

So, there's the whole story. I'm sure he'll appreciate your interest in learning more about him.

Sincerely,

Joel, a wise-ass broker, with a sense of humor, no clue about the architects, and a Clooney fan as well

* * *

Inquiry: Your condo hotels are a bit out of my range. Do you have anything for us little people?

Karen

CHC Reply: Karen, there are no height restrictions that I know of when it comes to buying condo hotels. Out of curiousity, how tall are you???

* * *

Inquiry: Do you do weddings?

CHC Reply: I have never been asked to do a wedding, quite frankly, but I have spoken in front of classrooms at a local college before, so I'd gladly give it a shot.

Tell me what you think the crowd would prefer; a short seminar about the advantages of condo hotel ownership or a detailed recap of my recent meeting with Donald Trump?

I have enough material to make this into a 15, 30, or 60 minute presentation. Please advise of the dates that you'd like me to perform. I'm looking forward to it.

Also, I have a collection of Cool Whip bowls with a setting for 8. Do you know if the wedding couple has any already, as I would not want to show up empty handed. Please advise.

* * *

Inquiry: Hi...I'm wondering if you can help me. I'm not very good on computers, but some friends were in Vegas in December and visited MGM Grand's CSI store and bought CSI jackets. I was wondering if you could send me some info. for purchasing CSI clothing and merchandise. Your time is greatly appreciated thank you.

Chrystyne

CHC Reply: Chrystyne, congratulations! It is only the 4th of January, but the games are over, and we are giving the award for the most bizarre request that we get all year at Condo Hotel Center to you.

We get a lot of strange emails, but you have contacted a real estate broker in South Florida to assist you in buying clothing in Las Vegas, and they just don't get more wild than that.

There is no actual award for winning, except maybe mention in our Thanksgiving annual letter about the strangest inquiries we get. However, as a consolation prize, my staff has chipped in to buy you an indelible ink, black felt tip, easy roller Bic pen. With it, you can convert any t-shirt or hat into a genuine CSI or even CHC (Condo Hotel Center), item that your friends will envy and admire.

* * *

Inquiry: I am going down to South Beach this weekend? What is the starting price?

CHC Reply: Our beaches are free. There is no admission charge. Parking will run you $5 plus, but that's not too bad, right?

* * *

Inquiry: We offer a concierge hand washing and waxing service for cars. I'm very interested in speaking with someone about offering this service in condo hotels in Dubai.

Gregory

CHC Reply: We are in the market for someone to clean up after our camels, but our cars are all clean. Thank you.

Follow-up Question: We normally deal with automotive only, BUT this sounds interesting. Could you tell me about the services needed, etc.? Thanks.

Gregory

CHC Reply: Gregory, as you probably know, camels can go for weeks without water, storing up liquid in their humps. Their unique digestive systems do not require the same amount of liquid that most animals and people need.

We feed our camels 30-50 pounds of high-fiber hay and oats each day and subsequently the back of our office trailer where we keep them can get quite odiferous, to say the least.

We require three men for the job to pick up and dispose of this waste product. Two men will be needed to do the job in the morning because camels often "do their business" in the cooler evening hours.

An armed man should supervise this procedure from the nearby sniper tower as often times local bandits will try to steal the waste products for their botanical nurseries. This, as you know, is the reason for some of our pineapple plants growing the largest fruits of their kind in the world, despite their desert existence.

Please let me know if you have previous experience shoveling camel dung, provide a video of this if you can, and give to us a list of at least three references for whom you have worked in this capacity.

We will be holding auditions for the job in two weeks time, and would certainly like to extend you an invitation.

Joel

Follow-up: Thanks for taking time to explain what is needed for the position. I don't think it is right for my car care company.

Gregory

* * *

Inquiry: Sir/Madam,

We assist in arranging facilities, equipment, machinery and financing for companies.

Ava

CHC Reply: Ava, we assist buyers worldwide in finding the perfect condo hotel as a vacation home or as an investment. Thanks for sharing.

* * *

Inquiry: I was a friend of Hans van der Reijden when he was F & B Director of Ritz-Carlton, Bali. I am an American expatriate who has lived in Bali for a long time.

I would appreciate it very much if you would send me Hans' email address, as I would like to contact him about a personal matter.

Lee

CHC Reply: Lee, I've never heard of Hans, but I can give you the emails of my friends Adam and Howard. Maybe you can make new friends with them. They are real good guys. I've known each about 30 years. Let me know if you're interested.

* * *

Inquiry: I have a product that fits in well with high-end condos. I am small and have been trying to get into the market.

Ron

CHC Reply: I'm only 5 ft. 8 inches, so I feel your pain. I suspect that, like me, you weren't a big fan of your milk and vegetables too?

* * *

Inquiry: Finally!!! ....My daughter is getting married March 25, 2006.

Denise

CHC Reply: Well, it's about time, Denise. Me and the boys have been talking about her around the water cooler forever. We thought she'd never lasso a man at the pace she was moving. We are all relieved by the great news, and I'll clear my calendar to make sure I'm available to share this special day with you. Mazel Tov!

Follow-up Inquiry: She along with us and many guests will be staying at your hotel. I'm the Mother of the Bride and I live here in Maine and it's snowing....I'm not ready for this...AND I'M NOT READY FOR THE WEDDING...

CHC Reply: I'm sure your daughter will gladly put her wedding on hold for a few more years to accommodate your emotional time schedule. You need to communicate better with her, as she won't know what's in your thinking if you keep it all bundled up inside. Talk to her.

* * *

Wrap Up

Are you laughing? Hope you found our silly inquiries and replies amusing (and not too offensive). As you can see, we at Condo Hotel Center do manage to have some fun in between all the craziness involved in researching and selling condo hotels.

All kidding aside, I have just a couple of quick reminders:

Just released! As Preferred Brokers for MGM Mirage CityCenter in Las Vegas, we now have the reservation forms for Vdara, CityCenter's only condo hotel. If you want a unit, act now to get the best selection and lowest price.

Condo hotel units are still available but selling fast at Trump Baja, just 30 minutes from downtown San Diego. And units at Fishing Lodge at Cap Cana in the Dominican Republic are moving quickly as well.

Also, a note to developers, the Condo Hotel Symposium in Las Vegas is just one week away. There are still a few spaces available. It's not too late to register for this information-packed event.

In closing, to all of you, our Property Alert subscribers, let me reiterate my opening statements. We thank you for your business, your trust and your friendship.

May you have a sensational Thanksgiving with your families. We wish you health, happiness and spectacular real estate profits too in the upcoming year.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Joel Greene, Broker-Associate
Condo Hotel Center
A division of Sheldon Greene & Assoc., Inc.
Licensed Real Estate Broker
13499 Biscayne Blvd. Ste. 210
N. Miami, FL 33181
(954) 450-1929
Joel@CondoHotelCenter.com
www.CondoHotelCenter.com
www.CondoHotelsDubai.com
www.WorldClassCondoHotels.com
www.CondoHotelsBahamas.com

* Copyright infringement is taken seriously by Condo Hotel Center and will be prosecuted.

© Copyright 2006 Condo Hotel Center.

*All rights reserved. No portion of this Property Alert may be reproduced, exhibited or distributed without the express written permission of Condo Hotel Center. Although Condo Hotel Center believes the information contained in this Property Alert to be accurate and complete, Condo Hotel Center can make no such guarantee.